it's been years since my last post
and wow, re-reading them somehow made me cringe hahaha
anyways, don't worry the past me, your english is okay now
or should i say... your confidence in english is getting better time by time...

so, as the title says,
this is how it started

i hate to admit this, but my life started to turn into a mess when i know things about
an abnormal psychology
it is kind of unexpected yeah? i never thought that ignorant is a bliss, but in and on some point, it is.
i thought, reading some stuffs like that make me knows humans a lot better than before.
i thought i would be less judgemental towards people.
it should be used as that though, no?
when i read some mental illness thingy, i hope to help them get thru.
but then, it reflects on myself too.

knowledge really is a double edged sword, huh?

getting deeper i am into all those kind of things, i think i started to think "is there anything like this inside me?" and found one by one, that if... IF i had not tried to reflect it on me, if i had not tried to look something inside me, i might never realize that i am 'sick'
i might be fine....or no?

it's both good and a bad thing that i found something's wrong with myself.
the good side is, that i can find a pro help sooner.
the bad thing is, it really reflects on me now.

things ight turn differently if i had not tried to reflect, it could be better or worse.
worst case scenario, if i had not tried to find out, there might be -still- something's wrong in myself but i kept denying it, to the point that -probably- i am not sane anymore because i'm denying the reality?
better case scenario, if i had not tried to find out, there might be -nothing's- wrong with me, i am perfectly fine with my mental health, no?


that's it.
i think it's all because the barnum effects? it is my own fault to know something about this, no?
but then again, knowledge is a double edged sword.
it is good that you know something, but it is also bad if you can't get ahold of the knowledge.

i think i will be more active here because i realized that as soon as im done with my tantrum and mental breakdowns, i need to write something i feel.

see you soon then.

You  know, sometimes I got these things running in my head, like:
How's our world gonna look like 10 years later? Am I gonna survive? Are we gonna be fine? How are the trees? How's the water? Weather?

And all those things keep appearing in my head, everytime I took a shower. This is why sometimes I hate shower. These deep long thoughts, took me long enough to get out of the shower.

I was watching the news, and then they said like.. forest in Kalimantan is on fire... or... when they said we running out of trees and water... and the world gets hotter everyday or months or year... It makes me.... sad. How are we gonna survive without a clean air, trees, clean water, nice lands for few years ahead? 

We can't plant our plants in badlands, it won't grow up nice. We can't have a nice, clean water and air without the trees. We knew it, but yet, we destroy it. 

And so I feel like I want to do something useful for this world, my home. But what can I do? I'm only 16 yo kid, who lives with her parents and is a crybaby.

I have this dream to make the world a better place.
But dreams won't work unless you do.
But what can I do? I am confused. 

Label: dreams, earth, rants, what can i do, world

26th June 2015, happy day for all my friends in America. :)

Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage, which is great, in my opinion.
It's RIGHTS. 
What? You want to tell me God hates them?
Uh, then again, how about few of them (or maybe most, or some) who don't believe in God(s)?
You can't force them to believe something that they didn't believe.
You can't force them to believe something that they can't see, we can't see, by eyes nor heart.
You, are the one who have no rights to deny them.
They know what they did.
They know what they want.
They are themself.
They know themself better than any other people.

Who the fuck are you controlling their sexuality, their life?

Friends? Ew, mind your place.
Parents? Well yeah, you're not a good parents then if you kicked them out. Have you ever thought what will they do outside there? Homeless, and lonely? No? 
Siblings? Well at least don't you dare to pick on them, just shut your mouth or comfort them what the fuck.


Well if you really, disagree with gay rights, lesbian rights, bisex rights, pan rights everything rights aka LGBT+ rights, no need to disown them, kick them out, or force them into rehabilitation camp. Talk to them, in casual way as casual as you can. 

I love y'all for being yourself, don't worry<3
If your parents kicked you out, come to my house I'll take care of you HAHA, nah I'm only 16+ yo. 
But if you need someone to talk, really, you can message me. :D


See you.


All the love, x.


(P.S: I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes, I'm still learning x)

Label: everything, friends, gay rights, LGBT rights, LGBT+ rights, parents, rants, same-sex marriage